Being Popular
In one of the regular magazine columns I write each month I promised my readers I would post a summary of an article I had read, clipped and saved several years ago.
Unfortunately, after making the promise I cannot find that article ANYWHERE! But I'll recap as much of it as I can remember. I have read the article several times and remember most of the points. It was about being popular, which is something that is very important to children and adults alike. It is also something that is an important part of living in a society.
HOW TO BE POPULAR
1) Smile. Smile all the time. People like to be around happy people and nothing says happy and easy to get along with quite like a smile.
2) Recognize others. People like to be recognized. Dale Carnegie suggested that the sweetest sound to a person was their own name. But even something as simple as seeing someone you know and saying "Hey, man! How's it going?" or even just a wave. These actions validate other people and they remember you as someone who values them.
3) Compliment others. Do not confuse compliments with flattery, which is empty or over-the-top. But when someone gets a hair cut or wears a new outfit, compliment them. Don't fawn, just a simple "I really like the way that looks" is about all it takes.
4) Ask for help. It is a strange principle of behavioral psychology that we are more endearing toward people we have helped than we are to people who have helped us. It seems backwards, but when you ask someone for help you gain their friendship. The key is making the request simple and easy and NOT asking for favors repeatedly.
5) Listen to them. Show interest in them and their interests. Again, Carnegie talks extensively about this in "How to Win Friends and Influence People". The way to be interesting is not to work on being interesting, but to work on being INTERESTED.
6) Lastly, do what you promise or don't promise it in the first place. Too often people think they can win friends by agreeing to anything that is asked of them even when they can't possibly deliver. What actually happens is that you end up alienating people who feel you let them down. People are much more accepting of someone who politely declines in advance rather than failing to deliver.
That's why I'm writing this from memory and trying to get it posted as soon as possible!
Unfortunately, after making the promise I cannot find that article ANYWHERE! But I'll recap as much of it as I can remember. I have read the article several times and remember most of the points. It was about being popular, which is something that is very important to children and adults alike. It is also something that is an important part of living in a society.
1) Smile. Smile all the time. People like to be around happy people and nothing says happy and easy to get along with quite like a smile.
2) Recognize others. People like to be recognized. Dale Carnegie suggested that the sweetest sound to a person was their own name. But even something as simple as seeing someone you know and saying "Hey, man! How's it going?" or even just a wave. These actions validate other people and they remember you as someone who values them.
3) Compliment others. Do not confuse compliments with flattery, which is empty or over-the-top. But when someone gets a hair cut or wears a new outfit, compliment them. Don't fawn, just a simple "I really like the way that looks" is about all it takes.
4) Ask for help. It is a strange principle of behavioral psychology that we are more endearing toward people we have helped than we are to people who have helped us. It seems backwards, but when you ask someone for help you gain their friendship. The key is making the request simple and easy and NOT asking for favors repeatedly.
5) Listen to them. Show interest in them and their interests. Again, Carnegie talks extensively about this in "How to Win Friends and Influence People". The way to be interesting is not to work on being interesting, but to work on being INTERESTED.
6) Lastly, do what you promise or don't promise it in the first place. Too often people think they can win friends by agreeing to anything that is asked of them even when they can't possibly deliver. What actually happens is that you end up alienating people who feel you let them down. People are much more accepting of someone who politely declines in advance rather than failing to deliver.
That's why I'm writing this from memory and trying to get it posted as soon as possible!
posted by Julian Franklin @ 4:36 PM
1 comments
1 Comments:
Julian: How DO you do it? In a few short paragraphs, you summarize what Dale Carnegie touts in his "How to Win Friends and Influence People" book; undoubtedly one of the best texts on human relations ever written. Thanks for the concise refresher, Julian
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