Selling on Price

Everybody loves a good deal. Sometimes this means a great product at a good price. Other times it means a good product at a great price. I have learned over the years to prefer the former rather than the latter, but that's a topic for another article.

This is about selling yourself on price. I hear so many performers lamenting the new guy who "undercuts" them. No one can undercut you unless you are the low-price leader. And if you are the low price leader, then you INVITE undercutting.

Take for example, how excited I was when the "$1.00 Bazaar" opened near my house. Any magician will tell you it is a great place to go to find inspiration. The dollar store inventory constantly changes because they purchase their stuff from people who couldn't sell it in a normal store. This is usually because it is of poor quality, flawed design, or of very dubious value, but again, I'm getting side tracked.

So I shop there and am pleased with the fact that the junk I’m buying never costs more than $1.00. This is a very good thing, because generally it is not worth any more than a dollar and sometimes I think I get ripped off.

So you can imagine how elated I was when a new store opened up across the street with a big sign advertising "Nothing over 99¢".

YEE-HAWW!

And they claim the best selection of low quality merchandise in all of Texas. Yes, that's a mighty big claim because there is a LOT of low-quality merchandise here in the largest state in the continental United States.

"Giant 99¢" didn't fail to deliver on their promise of a great selection of unsellable refuse. On my first visit I was awed by the incredible selection of wall-to-wall junk and not a single thing was priced (or worth) a single penny over 99¢.

Now, I'm sure you're wondering, "How in the world could things in Texas possibly get any better for the bargain hunters?" But some of you already know the answer….

Yes, that's right, we got our very own "Mr. 98¢" store! The grand opening was spectacular! They had day-old donuts, tofu hot-dogs on stale buns, and one of the least expensive entertainers in the city. He wasn't there when I arrived 20 minutes after his show was supposed to start. And he still hadn't arrived when I left 45 minutes later, but the store manager held pretty high hopes that he would eventually show up. You know, provided he wasn't involved in another DUI or something.

So I drove home with a smile on my face that nothing could shake. I found a new resource for invaluable merchandise (actually it's really more "unvaluable" merchandise, but my spell checker won't let me use that word).

Then it hit me as I was driving in the warm glow of satisfaction (or was it the warm glow of the faulty chemical glow sticks I got twelve for 98 cents that had leaked all over the backseat?). Regardless, I realized this was much more than an amazing retail phenomenon; this was much more than a resource for discontinued and recalled items at below cost; this was a business model like none other.

Finally I realized how an entertainer who had nothing of real value could finally compete. By simply lowering your price you can create the unique position of being the absolute cheapest entertainer in your area! What kind of a FOOL would possibly compete against you when you held such a low-value, low-profit position?!

And even if they DID compete against you (as "Giant 99¢" did against "$1.00 Bazaar"), you can simply turn the tables on them and lower your price even further (like "Mr. 98¢" did to "Giant 99¢"). The possibilities are limited only by the number of divisions in your government's currency!

As I con-templated the vastness of this marketing strategy I passed a store that clearly understood the concept. They were beating everyone to the punch. They were selling everything for just 79¢!

Unfortunately they wound up going out of business. I wonder why?

Pizza Place Let Down

I wrote once before about my favorite pizza place. I wrote about how they KNEW how to make pizza but didn't know much about marketing and I was worried that they might not last in business even though their product was top notch and the service was great.

Alas, my foresight proved accurate and they were bought out by a fairly well-known franchise chain (Double Dave's). Gone was the buffet I so fondly remember, gone were the specialty pizzas I had fallen in love with, and gone was the customer service I had come to expect.

Of course, we gave the new owners a try before we jumped to these conclusions. We tried on three different occasions before just giving up. Once, we visited on the one day they have a buffet, just to compare them, but there was nothing on the buffet table. No pizza at all.

The buffet line was scheduled to have opened 30 minutes previously but there was no pizza.

There were employees standing around. And there were people standing with empty plates waiting for pizza. But there was no pizza.

They seemed to have enough employees to take everyone's money for the buffet, but not enough to actually cook any pizza.

When the first pizza did actually come out, it was immediately gone, of course and I wondered "Did they not EXPECT to have people wanting pizza on the buffet when they advertise a buffet?"

Why would they not have pizza FINISHED when the buffet is supposed to START? I don't think it takes a degree in Restaurant and Hotel Management to figure out that if the buffet starts at 11:30, you don't wait until 11:45 to start cooking pizza.

Oh, well, another great business killed by poor marketing.

It makes me wonder what would happen if you took a serious craftsman and paired him for a while with a great marketer who would then LET the craftsman do what he does best while the marketer taught the craftsman everything there is to know about how to make money plying his trade.

I guess I don't really have to wonder because I've seen it happen over and over. Every year master craftsmen in the art of magic fly to Houston for an event where they learn everything there is to know about how to create amazing businesses doing what they love.

The results have been quite impressive. Check it out at www.KidShowBusinss.com

Hotel Rip Off

Last year, after we completed the Business Building Workshop we began looking for another hotel to hold the event. We were happy with the hotel we used, but felt that a larger meeting room would serve us better.

After searching for several weeks for a location that was convenient to food options so that attendees do not need to rent a car, we found a location that I thought would be perfect: The Comfort Suites on N. Texas Ave in Webster, Texas.

We went in on March 13, 2007 and spoke with Sales Manager Gina Garcia and negotiated a room rate that was LESS than what we were paying at the previous hotel.

We called a few months later, on May 11, 2007 just to touch base and make sure we were still on. We were told that Gina no longer works there but that Usman had our information on the computer and we were set to go.

But as we came down to the wire, and it became time for guests to begin registering for their hotel accommodations, suddenly the new manager (Jennifer) claimed she couldn't find any records of our reservations. Out of the kindness of her heart she was willing to accommodate us at an increased room fee, but would not be honoring the negotiated price.

"Why not?" I asked

"This is the rate. If you want it, you can have it."

"You don't care that we had an agreement with you and two of your previous managers for a set rate for a very important event?"

"This is the rate" she repeated "If you want it, you can have it."

"You mean that you are going to loose 120 room nights over $10 per room?"

"That's what I'm prepared to do, yes."

"Okay, because that's what you just did."

I refuse to do business with someone I can't trust. So now we are back at the original hotel, paying what we would have paid with Jennifer, but instead we are dealing with someone with integrity.

The truth is I would be willing to pay MORE per room to know I'm dealing with someone with integrity.

20 rooms, times 6 nights, times $90 per room is $10,800. That should get me a free meeting room but I negotiate a lower room fee for my attendees instead so I end up paying $350 per day for the meeting room which is another $2,100 they lost.

So, Jennifer (as if she cares enough about what her customers think to actually read this), in an effort to get an extra $1,200 you instead lost $13,000 and you lost a customer for life.

Between work, vacation, and attending conferences I spend over $7,000 a year staying in hotels. I can assure you I will NEVER stay at a Comfort Suites or any of their related franchises (Comfort Inn, Comfort Suites, Quality, Sleep Inn, Clarion, Cambria Suites, MainStay Suites, Suburban, EconoLodge, or Rodeway Inn). Jennifer has not only lost $13,000 for her employer at THAT branch, but in my mind she has damaged the reputation of the chain as a whole and will continue to lose them money long after she has been fired.

Post Office Confusion

One of the simple axioms of business is "Make it easy for your customer to spend money with you".

Those making executive decisions at the US Post office have apparently never studied business or marketing. They might (though doubtful) know something about engineering or calculus and might have even discovered the most ingenious formula ever created to distribute the postage fee in a fair and equitable way.

But in the process they have made it IMPOSSIBLE for both their employees and their customers. This is a recipe for disaster.

Up until a few months ago we weighed all our packages and letters here at the house, put on the proper postage and sent it out. The only time I had to go into the post office was to drop off packages that weighed more than 16 oz. But because it was easy to calculate postage I would have them ready to go and I could simply drop them at the counter.

I even wrote about this in a recent column in "The Linking Ring", but that column was put to paper BEFORE this new Postal rate changes.

Now the regulations are so confusing that even the postal employees don't always know what to charge or how to assess fees.

Now it doesn't matter just how much the envelope WEIGHS, you must also know the dimensions. Bigger envelopes get charged on a different scale. VERY large envelopes are called packages get charged on ANOTHER scale. So now there are THREE price scales and you need to know where your envelope falls.

You also need a spreadsheet to help figure out which combination of stamps will get you to the proper postage fee without going WAY over, but without being even a penny under. Before you only needed First Class stamps and Post Card stamps. The cost of an additional oz. was one more post card stamp. It was fast and simple. Not so any more.

To make matters worse, classifying envelopes, large envelopes and packages is not at ALL intuitive. You might have a big envelope but it is still considered "small" because the dimensions are proportionate in a height X length ratio, while a smaller envelope that is more square shaped will be charged as if it were a larger envelope.

Get it?

Me neither and it gets worse.

If your envelope is just a LITTLE bit too tall and you fold it over so that it meets the regs, you still pay a premium for folding and taping down the envelope.

If you have a metal brad that is used to close the flap on the envelope you pay an extra 33¢. If you don't USE the brad, but instead tape the flap OVER the brad, they STILL charge you as if you used it! So now you have to rip off those metal brads or pay a 33¢ premium on everything you send in those envelopes.

If your envelope meets the criteria for a "large envelope" but it is padded, then it automatically jumps to becoming a "package". It doesn't matter how much or how little it weighs. It doesn't matter if it is flexible enough to pass through their machines. If it has padding, you pay more to send it.

So, has all this new regulation make life easier on postal employees? Of course not! (Ask your local counter clerk if you doubt me).

Has it made life easier on the customers? Of course not!

Has it generated any new revenue for the Postal service? I don't think so since many of the prices to ship things have actually gone DOWN.

That's right, this is the first time that the post office has RAISED their rates in a way that resulted in LOWER fees which is a questionable practice in itself. But I don't care about saving 4¢ on a 3 oz. letter if it takes me an extra minute to find the right combination of stamps to make that work.

I don't care if I can save 7¢ on a 5 oz. large envelope if I'm not allowed to pad it, or if it takes me 5 minutes to go through a checklist figuring out whether it actually IS a large envelope of if it is a regular envelope. Or maybe it's actually a package? No, it WAS a package, but I used the letter opener to pry off the metal brad so now it is back down to a large envelope...I think.

Now I have to spend time waiting in line at the post office for stuff I never used to have to wait for. The lines get longer, the employees have to work harder, the customers are more frustrated and confused and profits are going down.

This is a TERRIBLE decision to make in a time when technology is threatening the US Postal Monopoly like never before. E-mail really put a pinch in their first class mail operations starting several years ago. Fax machines, FedEx, UPS and other competitors are squeezing them from the sides and have been for quite some time.

This is part of the reason why I am working so hard to convert all of my products to digital formats so that rather than sending a book, I can e-mail a PDF file. Rather than mailing a CD, my customers can download an MP3 file.

The Postal Service is BEGGING us to change the way we do business. They really seem to WANT us to abandon them for easier, faster, and less expensive technologies. They are behaving like the dinosaurs they are, and if they are not careful, they may end up extinct.

Oil Change Rip-Off

I put a lot of miles on my truck. Usually 30-40 thousand every year. I also drive my vehicles until they have at least 250,000 miles on them before I sell them. In order to do this I need to maintain them because I MUST have reliable transportation.

The problem is that I don’t know very much about cars.

So I take my car in for an oil change every 3,000 miles, which is about every 4-6 weeks in my household. I have been faithfully taking it to a local place, even though they force me to buy a car wash every time (actually they raised their rates by $6 and gave me a “free” car wash, but the end result is the same).

I paid the increase because I could trust them to keep my truck maintained. Until last week.

What follows is an edited version of a 4 page letter I sent to the new owners of the business. There are a few business lessons to be learned here.


When I visit your shop every 3,000 miles I get new oil. But I am not buying oil. I am not even buying convenience or speed. I will admit that if your service were not convenient and fast, I would not buy from you, but these things are simply the price of entry. They do not distinguish you from any other fast oil change place, of which there are MANY as I’m sure you’re aware.

No, you sell something far more valuable than these things. It has nothing to do with the car wash or perfumed spray or even the magazines we get to read while waiting on our car to get done.

Could it be Expertise?

You know exactly what to check and you systematically check everything each time I come in. You check on things I would have forgotten to check on. You check on things I don’t know how to check. You check on things I didn’t even know existed!

But it is not oil, speed, convenience, or even expertise.

You sell something that NO ONE else can compete against you with because it takes YEARS to create. The best part is that it is a FREE resource for you and you can sell it over and over a thousand times a day and people like me will pay a huge premium for it, though it costs you nothing.

You sell trust.

I have been coming to your Kwik Kar location since the very day it opened four years ago. I have been patronizing Kwik Kar franchises since I began driving. My current truck has over 210,000 miles on it, and my previous vehicle was sold once I racked up 260,000 miles though it ran like a dream. My wife just bought a new mini-van after her car reached 235,000 miles, though it also ran perfectly, we simply needed a bigger vehicle for our growing family.

These high-mileage cars are from all different makers (Ford, Isuzu, and Toyota). In fact the only thing they have in common is the regular service provided by the trusted advisors who work in your bays.

And because of a relationship that spans more than a decade and almost $15,000 in oil changes over the past few years, I feel compelled to tell you why I will never be doing business with you again.

You once employed a man named Ed who no longer works for you. When I came in I would drop off my car and tell him “Do whatever you think it needs”.

Most times I would come back and it was just a routine oil change. Often Ed would call me on my cell phone and recommend one service or another and I would always ask him “If it was your vehicle, would YOU do it?” and if he told me “yes”, then I immediately approved.

But he was no longer working at your location as of about six months ago or so. I was disappointed, but continued to come in, hoping to gain that sort of trust with another employee.

Three visits ago I was asked if I wanted new wiper blades and I was very glad to have been asked because I had been meaning to replace them but never thought about it until it was pouring rain. So I had that done.

The fee was steep, but I expected that, and didn’t have a problem with it.

However, a few weeks later when the wiper blades proved almost totally worthless I was very frustrated. This priceless resource called “Trust” had just been damaged. I paid $10+ for a wiper I could have bought at Wal-Mart for $2, but I got something even worse, because it didn’t work worth a flip. On this day you didn’t sell me convenience you sold me INCONVENIENCE and you charged me a premium for it.

I vowed I would never buy wiper blades from you again, but continued to get my car serviced by your technicians.

The most recent time I needed my oil changed I was out of town and sent my wife in to take care of it for me. Unfortunately I failed to voice to her my concerns about trusting you and your company as much as I once did. Your technicians managed to sell her $123.95 worth of “services” including “Max Oil Up Charge” of $10 (what the hell is THAT!), Gumout Engine Flush for $35 (that had just been done 3 months/7,921 miles earlier on 6/11/07), TX7 Engine treatment for $25 (that had just been done 3 months/7,921 miles earlier on 6/11/07) and of course, 2 new wiper blades because the ones you sold me last time were completely worthless.

Needless to say, I was irate when I got back home and found out that I had failed to warn my wife about what might happen. However, I truly was not expecting things to get THIS bad, THIS quickly.

Congratulations! You have mastered the art of the “Up Sell”. You can sell a trusting spouse on worthless services that her husband just bought a few weeks before.

Unfortunately you have failed miserably in the art of the “Re-Sell”, the art of understanding “Long Term Customer Value”, and the unbelievable power of having a customer trust you so implicitly that they give you the keys to their car and tell a service technician “Do whatever you think it needs” and never blink an eye at what shows up on the invoice when he comes back.

You miss out on the value of having someone trust you so much that they tell everyone they know about how comfortable they feel working with you. You have exchanged that for someone who will LOUDLY proclaim to everyone they know how they were taken advantage of by someone trying to meet a quarterly deadline or some other very short-term sales goal. I will readily and regularly tell others about how quickly several years of trust was destroyed with a few poor decisions by an ambitious sales tech.

Should I continue to patronize your business with a “Buyer Beware” state of mind? NO WAY!! I don’t WANT to scrutinize every step you make waiting to see if you are trying to pick my pockets. If I was going to put that much energy into it, then I would change my OWN oil! The fact is, that I don’t know that much about cars and I WANT to find someone I can trust. I need someone to tell me when it is time to change the belts, flush this fluid, add more of this, and replace all the various filters in the vehicle. I simply CAN’T second guess a technician. I can only find a new one, whom I can trust.

I am upset about having to search out a new company. You have made this VERY inconvenient for me and it further frustrates me.


By the way, this business is the Kwik Kar located on Scarsdale Blvd in Houston, Texas.

Creative Advertising and Testing Direct Mail Concepts

Phil asked the following question about my "Look Twice Advertising" lecture notes and CD set that he had ordered and reviewed thoroughly:

Q: My question is about testing a creative marketing piece. How would I go about it? If the idea flies but I only sent it to half my list, then it seems like I missed out. Most of the ideas are a one time shot I would think. If you used, for example a message in a bottle every time it fit the theme it would loose its impact. So I don't get how to test the concept. Would I mail it to half my list and a traditional sales letter to the other half? Or would I mail 2 different creative ideas at the same time?

A: That is why I mentioned that I approve of the IDEA of testing, but don't always actually test. When I did my message in a bottle mailing it was only 300 or so mailings and just did them. I think a mailing needs to be at least 200 in order to have any real value, so if your mailing list is less than 500 just mail to them all and hope for the best.

If, on the other hand you are mailing to a larger list (my elementary school list is close to 4,000) then I mail a test to my public libarary list (300) and then if it works, I might do a bigger mailing to the schools. But remember that this "test" is actually a REAL mailing that I'm doing in the hopes of making money booking shows. So the test should make money too.

Still, I would probably do a "test" of 500-1,000 just to see what happens. You don't want to invest a mailing of 4,000 when each piece costs $2 to create and send, only to learn ($8,000 later) that it really only brought in $12,000 worth of work. That's not good return.

Also, you have to figure out that if you can get a 5% response with a $1 mailing, that's better than a 10% response with a $2.50 mailing. Sometimes it is better to just mail to a larger list with a lower response campaign.

Granted, there are other advantages that come from doing a creative advertising campaign that I mention and explore in "Look Twice Advertising", but we have to remember that the MAIN purpose is to MAKE MONEY BOOKING SHOWS!! The rest of the stuff should be gravy on top. Gravy as a meal is a poor substitute for steak!

So, that's the long answer. The short answer is to mail to at least 200 in order to get a feel for the effectiveness and then evaluate how much you want to invest in a campaign to a larger list. Even then, it is often better to send in waves. I find this "wave" mailing to be effective for several reasons:

1) it keeps us from spending $10,000 on postage in a single month...

2) it keeps the phone calls rolling in steady rather than all during one single week. My wife (who manages the office) would much rather have a steady stream of phone calls throughout the week, all year long, rather than 500 calls in a day and then nothing for weeks on end.

3) different people are open to buying at different times. If you mailed to everyone and it landed on a single day that just happened to be bad for some reason or another your mailing would have been in vain. Think about a mailing that hit mailboxes on Sep. 11, 2001.

But remember that things can be bad for a long list of reasons that you never even thought about: is this a state mandated testing date in schools and you didn't know? maybe it's a state wide conference of all your potential clients, or maybe Oprah talked about the importance of spending money frugally the day before and all your clients are big Oprah fans. There are lots of reasons mailing can go bad and they might have nothing to do with anything you did or didn't do. Mailing in waves helps hedge against this risk.

My 4 Unbreakable Money Rules

I have four Unbreakable Financial Rules. You don't have to adopt them, but I have seen lots of people lose money and friendships that they never would have lost if they had followed these four rules. I've never broken them.

They aren't my original rules. I've gathered them from different books and speakers I've heard. Different people offer different rules, these are the four that, in our house, are immutable.

1) Never co-sign for anyone, for any reason at any time, no matter what

2) Never borrow against the equity in your homestead unless it is for enough money to COMPLETELY replace the homestead with a debt-free alternative homestead that you would be content living in full-time

3) Never borrow against or prematurely cash out any retirement or college savings account

4) Always pay yourself first, even if it is only a few hundred dollars a month. That is, no matter how bad things get, make sure that you put at least a little bit into some sort of savings or investment account.

Repairing New Things

I am now starting my second week of performing a brand new show, and no matter how much I rehearse at home before hand, the show always changes dramatically during the first 20 performances in front of a REAL audience.

I was discussing this with Tim Sonefelt and Barry Mitchell and as soon as I told them that I finished my first show they both said "So, are you heading straight to the hardware store, or to Wal-Mart first?"

It was funny because I WAS headed straight to the hardware store. I also had a list of things that I needed to do once I got home. Most of them revolved around fixing things that were BRAND NEW.

I have a small "beach tent" in the show and the rubber covers on the ends of the tent poles came off when I disassembled it the very first time. During the show I discovered that a box I use to produce items (seemingly from nowhere) had a major flaw that I fixed with a hot glue gun.

These are easy repairs, but I wonder why the manufacturers (who obviously know more about their products than I do) couldn't just spend a few extra pennies and make the things at the factory in a way that they would last past the first use or so.

There is a part of the Uniform Commercial Code (UCC) that stipulates products have an implied warranty of merchantability. This means that, regardless of whether any warranties are stated or not, if a manufacturer sells something he is obligated to warranty that it is AT LEAST good enough to do what it is designed to do.

This seems like a "Duh!" statement and a law that wouldn't really need to be on the books. But it is a regular thing for me to buy something and immediately try to figure out how to repair it BEFORE I use it, so that I don't have to deal with it breaking in the middle of a show.

This is why people who understand quality don't mind paying a bit more. If you buy cheap, you're still going to pay a lot. You'll just have to endure the hassle of paying for it after it breaks on you. And you'll still end up with a cheaper version.

Subscribe to the Newsletter, too!

In addition to writing a monthly column in The Linking Ring about The Business of Magic and writing this blog, I also produce a monthly e-newsletter.

Unlike a lot of e-newsletters (which are actually e-SALESletters!) the newsletters I send out each month are filled with ideas similar to the ones found in this blog. The only difference is that they are sent straight to you once a month.

I do admit that on occasion I will let you know about products and services I offer. This is, after all, part of my business.

However I will tell you that any sales pitches are made on the 15th of the month, rather than in the regular newsletter that goes out around the first of the month.
So if you absolutely don't want to hear about any new product offerings, you simply don't open any newsletters from me unless they come around the first of the month.
But most subscribers will tell you that even the sales pitches are informative and almost a lesson in marketing by themselves. I've had people tell me they like the "Mid-Month Update" as much or better than the "real" newsletter.

Fill out your e-mail address to receive my free newsletter!
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Get Ready for Tax Time!

Here's an idea that is pretty much guaranteed to get you some television time.

Get out the yellow pages and log onto the internet searching for newspapers in your area. Find mailing addresses, fax numbers, and contacts to send press releases. You should easily be able to find at least 2 or 3 papers even in very rural areas that serve your area. But also seek out local news stations for all the networks and any local cable access stations.

Write a press release announcing that you will be doing strolling magic at the post office on the evening of April 15. You want to create a very catchy title. If you think you can improve on the one provided, fine, but you may want to save yourself the time and just use the enclosed press release as is. Otherwise, feel free to use this one as a format upon which to create your own press release. Include a photo if possible, even if you have to stage it to look like a live performance.

The idea is that every year they do a news story about people paying their taxes at the last minute. You could be a new slant on that old-hat story.

Recommended Reading: "Free Publicity" by Jeff Crilley. This book was written by a newscaster who was tired of people sending in crummy press releases. It details step by step not only HOW to write a great press release that will get you free media coverage, but also WHEN to submit the release, HOW to behave and speak once you get your coverage, and shows you WHY the media outlets NEED you to send in good press releases. They are starving for your story. They WANT to put you on the air, you just have to package it for them in the right way.

Next week you'll be doing your strolling magic for people paying taxes. You need to get ready by going through your magic closets and drawers and pulling out any money tricks that can be done standing up. As an example, you can do the six-bill repeat talking about how all you made last year was 1,2,3,4,5,6 dollars. Then you had to pay 1,2,3 in FICA taxes which left you with 1,2,3,4,5,6 dollars. But then you had to pay 1,2,3 dollars in Social Security taxes, which left you with....you get the idea.

Here's the sample press release. Feel free to use it as you like.


For Immediate Release
Contact Name: [YOUR NAME]
Contact Number: [YOUR PHONE NUMBER]
Contact E-Mail: [YOUR E-MAIL]

MAGICIAN MAKES TAX WORRIES DISAPPEAR

Magician [YOUR NAME] decided to do something a little different this year by making everyone's last minute tax concerns disappear. If you will be paying your taxes at the very last minute, you might want to ask [YOUR NAME] if he can make your tax bill disappear. [YOUR NAME] will be at the [YOUR MAIN POST OFFICE] to help entertain taxpayers as they line up to file their last minute returns.

"I can't make a tax bill disappear" says [YOUR NAME], "But I do try to ease the stress that last minute filing has, especially when it is accompanied by the long lines at the post office."

[YOUR NAME], who primarily performs at [YOUR USUAL VENUE] says that he enjoys the opportunity to perform for people like himself. "I work hard and as a small business owner, I totally understand the frustration that comes from the whole taxation process. But as a citizen, I appreciate the contributions each member of our community puts back, not only in the form of the taxes they pay, but more imporatantly, in the work they do every day to provide products and services to our community." says [YOUR NAME].

"If I can make a few people laugh while they are in line, or go home thinking more about how I made their dollar bill float in their hand [OR WHATEVER EFFECT YOU THINK YOU MAY DO OR WHATEVER YOU HAVE A PICTURE OF] than they do about the huge check they had to send in to the beaurocrats in Washington, then I know I have done my job."

[YOUR NAME] provides this service for free, but it is only at the [YOUR MAIN POST OFFICE, and make sure they are open late on tax night] and only on the evening of April 15, from 8 pm until midnight [OR WHATEVER HOURS YOU DECIDE TO WORK, but it is strongly advised that you don't get started much later than 8 or you will NEVER make the 10 o'clock news, which is something that you really want to strive for] Now, if we can just get to him to make our paychecks double and our tax bills disappear, we'll be set!

Another Phone Mistake...

In January I wrote about how so many marketers WASTE their phone message with a voice that totally cancels the words that are said. If you say "exciting" but your voice is BORING, then your message is cancelled. If you are funny and enthusiastic, let it be heard in your VOICE, not just your words.

But there are two other answering machine/voice mail mistakes that I hear people make all the time and I want to make sure that YOU are not making them. Take a moment to call yourself and listen to what your customers and prospects have to listen to before they are allowed to leave a message.

NOTICE: This is entirely different from pressing the "Hear Message" option as I'll explain below!!

MISTAKE #1: Don't waste time telling people how an answering machine works. There is no need to tell ANYONE that in order to leave a message they have to wait for the beep. Answering machines have been around for over 30 years now. We ALL know how they work. Worse is that most voice mail systems AUTOMATICALLY add a very long message telling listeners how to...

"press one to page this person now [long pause] press two if you would like to send this person a text message now[really long pause] if you would like to leave a message [DUH!] wait patiently while I mention seven other functions that no one uses and THEN I'll play the beep, but not a second sooner."

You can turn this option off and I highly suggest that you do. There is no need for it, and it wastes everyone's time. I truly believe the cell phone companies do it because they know it adds a minute to every single phone call made that doesn't connect directly. The result, after literally BILLIONS of cell phone calls made each day, is a noticeable increase in revenue. You don't have to participate nor do you have to force your customers to participate in this invisible scam that steals more than cell phone minutes. It steals everyone's valuable time as they listen to pointless instructions. Disable this function on your voice mail!


MISTAKE #2: Not telling people alternate ways of getting the information they want. People have become accustomed to instant gratification. If you can't serve them immediately they either move on to someone else or lay aside their conversation with you to get to at a later date. That later date might not come. Your answering machine message should mention your web site at least as well as alternate phone numbers if you allow customers to call you on those lines.


There are lots of other little things you can do to improve your answering machine message, but most are a matter of preference and specific goals. These two things (combined with using a positive and enthusiastic voice) are NOT options! Implement them today!

--Julian Franklin
www.JulianFranklin.com <--My school show site
www.JulianSpeaks.com <----Business and Marketing Advice

Self Capitalizing Gratuities

The Houston Zoo recently had an offer that they would give you $1 off your admission during spring break if you came to the zoo via Houston Metro (our bus system). This, in effect, paid for some, possibly all of your transportation to the zoo.

Why would they do this during the busiest week of the year? I mean, every spring break, they have more people than they can even get into the zoo. Why would you offer a discount to anyone during your PEAK season? That's when most companies RAISE their rates.

The answer of course, is that the offer was a self-capitalizing gratuity (SCG). This is a term for discounts that actually pay for themselves through the increased revenue they generate.

As an example, let's look at The Houston Zoo during spring break. We are members of the zoo so we don't pay admission at all, but we also don't visit during peak days and times. However, we spend a lot of time in the museum district where the zoo is located (we are also members of the Houston Museum of Fine Arts and the Museum of Natural Science) and can tell you that during peak times, every parking spot within miles is long gone.

So what usually happens is the parking lots fill and then the streets fill and then people begin parking illegally and the parking tickets begin to flow and people change their plans and go to the beach 60 miles to the south instead of fighting all the traffic.

By encouraging people to visit via public transportation, the zoo is able to free up parking spaces for those who didn't know about the discount or couldn't take advantage of the opportunity for some reason. The zoo, you see, can hold far more patrons than it's parking lot can hold cars. So when the parking lot is full, the zoo still has plenty of room for visitors.

Some have suggested that the zoo remove the 280 granite blocks that form the courtyard and replace that area with a paved parking lot. While this would help the zoo on a small level it is not as cost effective as the implementation of a well-crafted SCG.

Be careful not to confuse SCGs with SLGs (Self-Liquidating Gratuities). SLGs pay for themselves, but don't generate ADDITIONAL income. For example, when you offer a discount for a library system that books you for two shows instead of one, you both benefit. But the additional show is effectively done at a discount.

This is not a problem but recognize the difference between having something pay for itself (SLG) and having an offer than brings in 100% pure profit. SCGs are self-CAPITALIZING, in that they bring in only pure profit. When the zoo offers a discount for someone who rode the bus, that patron is (in effect) pure profit since if they would have come in a car they would not have been able to enter the zoo at all. There is no additional cost to the zoo to have that patron enter so their entry fee thus has a zero cost base.

When you further calculate the average concession sales that each customer makes, you can see that SCGs are a great way to grow a business.

If you are considering new ways to grow your business, think hard about how SCGs can help you out.

--Julian Franklin